Walmart… only in America

Walmart is truly an amazing place.  Where else can you go to pick up some nail polish and a nail gun; snow blowers and sun chips; pampers, papers, plants, polish sausage, and a 52″ Sony flatscreen TV!

There is also a wonderful assortment of characters who shop Walmart.  In college, we used to go to the local Walmart  (Walmart #4 for anyone who cares) around 10:30 or 11:00 pm, and watch the people who would come in from “outside of town” to do their shopping.  There is no denying there are some unusual folks to be seen at Walmart late at night.  In some parts of the country you call them “weirdo’s,” in other parts of the country you call them “locals.”

I was recently on, what I would consider to be a typical Walmart run– and no I was not wearing cut-off jean shorts and t-shirt that fit me in junior high.  The typical Walmart run basically means you’ll be needing 1 item from each of the 4 corners of the store.  In my case, I needed a 1-stop shop for the following items– 25 ft. coax cable, a bottle of aspirin, and french bread.  Am I the only one who feels like a moron walking through Walmart carrying this assortment of items?  I mean, who thinks to themselves… “you know, I really need to move the TV across the room so I’ll need some coax cable; I’ve got a hankerin’ for some garlic bread… and boy do I have a headache!”

As I approached the check out counter, I noticed a rather large zebra striped bra on the counter.  When I say large, whoever made this bra used most of an adult zebra in its construction.  The poor kid on the register looked like he’d been caught doing something naughty and the look of pure mortification and embarrassment was palpable.  I think the funniest thing was that he wasn’t exactly sure where to touch it or how to handle it.  You would have thought the bra was on the girl with all the anxiety and uncertainty this kid was displaying.  Come on man… buck up.  Have some courage.  You are a professionally trained Walmart checker.  I realize handling a zebra bra is the checkers’ equivalent of facing an all-out blitz, but you gotta bring your checker “A-game.”

After my Walmart adventure, and in honor of my friend Bill, who appears rather eager to meet Jesus face to face, I went to his house and had another Opus X.  What a great cigar.  That’s number two for the year, with one more to go.  I think I’ll save this one for a special occasion, to be named at a later date.

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One Response to Walmart… only in America

  1. Julia says:

    hahaha. my last walmart run consisted of diapers, glee, and lemon curd. hahahah. so funny.

    and yes. that would be the time that i knocked down the entire diaper display…oh gosh.

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